By Fenni Nghikevali
For decades, leadership was largely defined by intellect, experience, and technical competence. The assumption was simple: “the smartest person in the room would naturally make the best leader”.
In modern times, leadership success is being measured less by what leaders know and more by how they show up. Rather than debating whether emotional intelligence matters in leadership, a recent leadership poll on the FENomenal® Leadership LinkedIn page page explored a more practical question:
“Which emotional intelligence skill matters most in effective leadership?”
- 43% of respondents: Self-awareness
- 23% of respondents: Emotional regulation
- 20% of respondents: Relationship management
- 14% of respondents: Empathy
A closer look at the results reveals a deeper understanding of what leadership truly demands in practice.
Self-awareness (43%): The foundation of effective leadership
That self-awareness emerged as the most valued skill (43% ranking) is no coincidence. Leaders are constantly observed in how they respond to pressure, handle conflict, make decisions, and engage with others. Their behaviour sets the emotional tone for the organisation.
A leader may possess strong qualifications and technical expertise, yet still undermine trust and morale if they lack self-awareness. Without an understanding of their own triggers, blind spots, strengths, and limitations, leaders risk making reactive decisions and damaging relationships.
Self-aware leaders recognise when emotions such as fear, frustration, or ego are influencing their judgement. Importantly, self-awareness allows leaders to receive feedback, reflect honestly, and grow continuously.
Emotional regulation (23%): Leadership under pressure
The second-highest ranking skill (23%), emotional regulation, highlights another critical leadership reality: leadership is inherently demanding.
Leaders operate in environments characterised by competing priorities, tight deadlines, scrutiny, and constant change. Boards challenge decisions, teams make mistakes, and crises emerge unexpectedly. In these moments, leaders are not judged by their intentions, but by their responses.
Leaders who struggle to regulate their emotions may react defensively, become withdrawn, or respond impulsively. Over time, such behaviour creates uncertainty and fear, discouraging open communication and engagement.
By contrast, emotionally regulated leaders provide stability. They pause before reacting, communicate thoughtfully, and maintain composure during difficult conversations. This does not mean suppressing emotion, but rather managing it constructively. Emotional regulation enables leaders to create environments where people feel safe to contribute, perform, and innovate.
Relationship management (20%): Leadership through influence
That relationship management (20%) ranked closely behind emotional regulation reinforces a fundamental truth: leadership is relational.
Leadership is exercised through interactions with people. Even the most capable leaders cannot succeed in isolation. Progress depends on trust, collaboration, and effective communication.
Strong relationship management allows leaders to navigate conflict productively, align diverse interests, and maintain professional respect even when disagreements arise. Poor relationship management, on the other hand, often manifests as disengagement, silos, and unresolved tension.
Leaders who invest in building and sustaining relationships create alignment and shared ownership of outcomes. In doing so, leadership becomes less about authority and more about influence.
Empathy (14%): Rethinking empathy in leadership
Empathy ranking lowest (14%) does not diminish its importance, but rather invites reflection on how it is applied in leadership. Empathy alone does not guarantee effectiveness. A leader may understand others’ perspectives yet avoid difficult conversations, fail to set boundaries, or hesitate to enforce accountability.
Effective leadership empathy is not about avoiding discomfort or being universally liked. It is about understanding people while still making principled, sometimes difficult decisions. When empathy is grounded in self-awareness and supported by emotional regulation, it strengthens leadership rather than undermines it.
The leadership imperative
The poll results point to a clear conclusion: emotional intelligence is not optional for leadership. It is a core capability that shapes decision-making, communication, and influence.
In a world marked by uncertainty, rapid change, and increasing human complexity, technical competence alone is no longer sufficient. Leaders are expected to understand themselves, manage emotions responsibly, build healthy relationships, and lead with intention.
Emotional intelligence does not replace expertise, it amplifies it.
*Fenni Nghikevali is the Founder & CEO of the FENomenal® Leadership brand in Namibia. This article is written in her personal capacity as a leadership enthusiast
