By Ipupa Fadeyi
Last week, we explored the topic “Leading with Confidence as a Young Professional,” highlighting five key challenges emerging leaders often face: establishing authority, handling pressure, communicating effectively, leading former peers and earning trust.
Today, we turn our attention to one of the most sensitive and often overlooked challenge: Leading former peers. This shift can feel like walking a tightrope. Former colleagues may question your authority or find it difficult to adjust to the new dynamic. But this is also your moment to grow. When approached with clarity, humility and emotional intelligence, it becomes an opportunity to earn trust, strengthen your leadership style and set the tone for your future.
Why This Transition Feels So Difficult
Leadership comes with new responsibilities and a shift in dynamics. When you’re suddenly responsible for setting direction, giving feedback, or making decisions that affect others, it can feel like the rules of engagement have changed overnight.
Former colleagues may view you through the lens of past interactions: the shared jokes, frustrations or even disagreements. This familiarity can blur professional boundaries. At the same time, you may hesitate to assert your authority for fear of being seen as arrogant or overly authoritative. This can create confusion about roles and expectations, and if not handled well, it may impact team performance and morale.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
When leading former peers, it’s easy to fall into one of two traps: being too soft or too harsh.
1. Being too soft: Some new leaders try to maintain friendships by avoiding tough conversations or overlooking poor performance. This may seem kind in the moment, but it eventually undermines your credibility and affects team discipline.
2. Being too harsh: On the other end of the spectrum, some overcompensate by becoming overly strict, micromanaging, or distancing themselves in an effort to “prove” their authority. This can create resentment and erode trust.
The key lies in balance—leading with firmness and fairness, while still honouring the history you share with the team.
How to Lead Former Peers with Confidence and Integrity
1. Address the elephant in the room
Don’t pretend the transition hasn’t happened. Acknowledge the change openly and set the tone from the start. You might say something like, “I know this change might feel a little strange at first. I value the time we’ve worked together, and I’m committed to supporting each of you while also fulfilling my responsibilities as a team lead.” Transparency helps ease tension and shows maturity.
2. Redefine your relationships
Shifting from friend or peer to leader doesn’t mean abandoning relationships—it means redefining them within professional boundaries. Be respectful and approachable, but also clear about your expectations. Avoid over-sharing personal struggles or gossiping. Maintain professionalism in all your interactions.
3. Be fair and consistent
Fairness is crucial in building credibility. Avoid any form of favouritism or bias, even if you were closer to some team members than others. Evaluate everyone’s work based on objective performance and give feedback respectfully and consistently.
4. Communicate expectations clearly
Don’t assume everyone knows what is expected just because you’ve worked together before. Set clear goals, timelines and responsibilities. This helps reduce misunderstandings and creates a sense of structure and direction under your leadership.
5. Stay humble and open to feedback
Leadership doesn’t mean having all the answers. Let your team know that you are learning too and that their input matters. Be open to feedback, and don’t be afraid to admit when you’vemade a mistake. This kind of humility strengthens trust and encourages a collaborativeatmosphere.
6. Focus on building team trust and performance
Shift the focus from your title to the team’s success. Celebrate group wins, acknowledge contributions, and provide support when needed. The more your peers see that your leadership benefits the whole team, the more they will embrace it.
Dealing with Resistance or Unspoken Tension
It’s not uncommon to experience some pushback from those who find it hard to adjust to your new role. This could show up as passive resistance, withholding cooperation or gossip.
Rather than taking it personally, see it as an opportunity to practice emotional intelligence. Engage those individuals privately, seek to understand their concerns, and reinforce your commitment to working together. In some cases, time and consistent leadership are all that’s needed to shift the dynamic.
You Were Chosen for a Reason
It’s important to remind yourself that you were chosen for this role for a reason. Whether it was your performance, your potential, or your ability to lead others—you earned your place. Resist the temptation to second-guess yourself or shrink back. Instead, lead with the same integrity and excellence that got you noticed in the first place.
Final Thoughts: Grow into the Role, Don’t Just Fill It
Leading former peers isn’t about changing who you are, it’s about growing into who you need to become. It’s an opportunity to develop emotional maturity, lead with clarity and model what professional leadership looks like—especially for others who may one day walk the same path.
Yes, the shift may be uncomfortable at first, but it is also your proving ground. With empathy, communication and the right mindset, you can lead with both confidence and care.
You are the CEO of your career. Don’t shy away from the challenges that come with leadership—embrace them. They are shaping you into the leader your peers, and your organisation, will come to respect and rely on.
*Ipupa Fadeyi is a coach, mentor, columnist and the founder of IpupaK Grow You
